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Stalk Of The Town: John Mayer Is Just Mining Jessica Simpson For Comedy
The date: September 11, 12:45amThe place: 117 MacDougal StreetSighted: John Mayer at Comedy Cellar helping his buddy who was bombing.The Jessica Simpson-John Mayer coupling seemed slightly off right out of the gate. The public, its level of confusion rivaled only by its apathy, wanted answers; sort of. What could they possibly talk about? Did this pairing with a woman who clearly wouldn't have looked twice at him in high school officially make him the musical Zach Braff? Or, did the fact that he dated Jennifer Love Hugetitts back when Braff was still just the awkward, big-lipped guy on that doctor show make Braff the acting John Mayer? Also, didn't one of Time Magazine's 100 most influential people in the world want someone who could appreciate all his witty, voice-of-a-generation blogging? But. Wouldn't Jessica Simpson be more comfortable with someone more muscle-y who didn't make her stare at all those tiny words?Only in the past week have the answers to some of these pressing...

Renaissance Man: Vincent Gallo Wants To Be Your President
newVideoPlayer("gallo.flv", 475, 376);Our Liz Glover caught up with multi-"talented" tool Vincent Gallo at some Fashion Week event yesterday, we're not sure which, they're all starting to blend together as that nightmare concludes, and the actor/singer/director/model/sperm-vendor was kind enough to share his wisdom on the issues of the day.

Fashion Week: Matt Phillp has taken what is definitely ...
Matt Phillp has taken what is definitely our favorite picture of all of fashion week at the Heatherette show. There in the front row, infamous fey dandy Patrick McDonald was placed next to sorta-thuggy Diddy. This proves that either the show's publicist (the infamous Kelly Cutrone!) is either a genius or a just a nutty crazy lady. Also to be noted! Lady Bunny two rows behind them, taking pictures and laughing her ass off. Heaven. So long, fashion week! It's been... well, it's been!

Truths: We are vindicated! The rumors are accurate! ...
We are vindicated! The rumors are accurate! Says the Wall Street Journal: "News Corp.'s HarperCollins Publishers says it will publish [James] Frey's 'Bright Shiny Morning,' a novel set in southern California, in summer 2008 through its Harper imprint." Wow, that's... wow. [WSJ]

Book Trendlets: Is 'The Luxe' The New 'Gossip Girl'?
Now that "Gossip Girl" is upon us, what will be the next Young Adult book series to be made into a megahyped TV series? Our money's on The Luxe, by Anna Godberson. Harper Teen's going out with an enormous first print in December, aiming to duplicate the success of high-concept vampire young adult smash Twilight. The Luxe has no vampires, but it does feature another bestseller-bait ingredient: rich, spoiled Manhattan teenagers. The twist? It's 1899.Genius, right? "This thrilling trip to the age of innocence is anything but innocent," is the tagline, and the book, so far (we're about halfway in) is totally credible Edith Wharton lite. There's a highborn beauty at the center of a murder mystery, a caddish lover, a thwarted servant who dreams of a life outside class constraints, and a lot of heavy-breathing scenes at balls and in stables. Oooh, stables! And, a la Gossip Girl, every chapter is introduced by a primary source document --except, instead of emails and blog posts,...

Did He?: Did Diddy Buy E In Ibiza?
Is this a clip of Diddy buying E while in Ibiza? Hard to tell! It comes from a cameraphone, and is sideways. And blurry. The folks at A Hot Mess! seem to think so: "You can even hear him asking for two pills!" Watch and judge for yourself. If this is an actual purchase, we'd like to compliment Mr. Diddy for actually buying his own stuff. Being in his entourage must be the easiest job in the world!

Classic Gawker Stalker: "Saw Victoria Beckham at 5:10 p.m. today. ...
"Saw Victoria Beckham at 5:10 p.m. today. She was exiting a building at 56th/5th where some big name fashion companies have offices. Not a fan at all but she looked 1,000 times better in person. Pig nose didn't look so piggy, she was rail thin and very striking. Her slip was showing though. People in the recessed building entrance discretely gawked but no one said anything which was cool. She had a security guard and a frumpy looking assistant and entered a black SUV." It has always been our dream that VB looks better in person, and today, that dream came true!

A Look Back: Meredith Vieira, The Early Years
newVideoPlayer("Meridith_The_View.flv", 475, 376);As Meredith Vieira approaches her first anniversary as co-host of "The Today Show," let's take a look back—way, way back!—to the beginning of her journalism career, courtesy of E!'s "True Hollywood Story" about Vieira 's former show, "The View."

Rumors: We just heard that Harper publisher Jonathan ...
We just heard that Harper publisher Jonathan Burnham bought a short story collection from James Frey —yeah, that James Frey—for a million dollars. Can someone tell us whether this is true so we can get on with the killing ourselves/not killing ourselves, whichever turns out to be appropriate?

No Kidding: Shocker: The 'New Yorker' Festival Is Smug And Self-Congratulatory
The Village Voice takes aim at the New Yorker Festival, calling it "the Live Earth of the mind--minus the whole giving-the-proceeds-to-worthy-causes bit. Like Live Earth, the brand infuses the event; the festival features exactly the headliners you'd expect; and the whole production tends toward the endlessly self-congratulatory. Live Earth tickets are more dear, granted, but with New Yorker events running from $16 for a fiction reading to $100 for food tours through lower Manhattan, the competition is stiff." We'd ever so gently suggest that expecting anything associated with the New Yorker to not be "self-congratulatory" is either willingly nave or charmingly optimistic, but we can't totally disagree with any piece that contains the line "The only satisfaction of the night came in realizing that [film critic David] Denby is just as irritating live as in print." Pleased to Meet Me [VV]

The Smart Set: Amanda Hearst Wise In Ways Of World
Charming Amanda Randolph Hearst—model! Heiress! Art lover!—has had it up to here with the appalling collaboration between designers, socialites and paparazzi: "The design houses are letting all these celebrities and socialites borrow their clothing! And then there's definitely this partnership with the paparazzi and the photographers at all these parties--that has increased tenfold, so there's just like a different way of promoting your businesses and your clothing right now, and I guess socialites are one way of doing that." Wait a minute, for reals? This is what's going on under our noses behind our backs???Give Till It Hearst, Baby! [NYO]

Denials: Spencer Morgan Did Not Fart On Models
The Observer's Spencer Morgan is being mocked by New York mag's Daily Intel today for his investigative thinkpiece on visiting a model apartment ("No, we're girls, we are not talking about politics. Sometimes we talk about shows we have done. Every morning, we talk about what clothes to put on"). Those New Yorkers even accuse him of committing "that most basic of all Fashion Week fouls—farting in a room full of models." But! "I did NOT fart," Spencer tell us. "You weren't meant to infer that they were 'giddily discussing my charms,' as they all ditched me in the living room. The farting allegation is as ludicrous as the allegation that I am an aspiring rake, as I have NEVER farted. My guess is after two hours of answering questions and being tape recorded, they had had enough."

Where Are They Now: Natasha Lyonne: still alive! [The Superficial]
Natasha Lyonne: still alive! [The Superficial]

Never Forget: A Weary Nation Has Moved On
newVideoPlayer("9_11_Questions_TMZ.flv", 475, 376);Last night our new favorite TV show "TMZ" sent a correspondent to the hotspots of L.A. to see how well Angeleno clubgoers remembered the terrible events of September 11. The results will not surprise you in the least, unless you think Angeleno clubgoers are some sort of species of meth-snorting Einsteins.

Quirk Fatigue: "Quirk, loosed from its moorings, quickly ...
"Quirk, loosed from its moorings, quickly becomes exhausting. It's easy for David Cross's character on 'Arrested Development' to cover himself in paint for a Blue Man Group audition, or for the New Zealand duo on 'Flight of the Conchords' to make a spectacularly cheesy sci-fi video about the future while wearing low-rent robot costumes. But the pleasures are passing. Like the proliferation of meta-humor that followed David Letterman and Jerry Seinfeld in the '90s, quirk is everywhere because quirkiness is so easy to achieve: Just be odd... but endearing. It becomes a kind of psychographic marker, like wearing laceless Chuck Taylors or ironic facial hair—a self-satisfied pose that stands for nothing and doesn't require you to take creative responsibility. Just because you can doesn't mean you should." [Atlantic]

Unitarded: "It was perhaps inevitable that jumpsuits ...
"It was perhaps inevitable that jumpsuits were next up for a revival." [NYO]

Pissing Contests: Is Andrew Wylie Really The "Most Powerful And Prestigious" Lit Agent?
Today's Observer piece about new-minted literary agent Scott Moyers contains a controversial assertion: That Moyers' boss Andrew Wylie's Wylie Agency is "the most powerful and prestigious in town." Some of the publishing types we contacted for comment would beg to differ. And others were like "Well, yeah!" "I think he's the most powerful in England. Here he has to compete with Esther [Newberg, ICM], Binky [Urban, ICM], Suzanne [Gluck, William Morris], and [Robert] Gottlieb [Trident]. Wylie has the highbrow stuff but I suspect the others' lists are probably more lucrative than Wylie's because they have so many huge commercial stars," says a senior editor who works on both fiction and nonfiction. Interesting answer because: Can you really use "lucrative" interchangeably with "prestigious?" We think maybe yes. However, we'd also then have to say that it's easier to rake in the lucre when you're working for a big, connected mega-agency.That view is seconded by an editor at a...

News Jews Can Use: From the mailbag: "What is an acceptable ...
From the mailbag: "What is an acceptable time for the non-observant Jew to leave the office today? 4? Is 3:30 pushing it?" Well, ONE non-observant Jew who won't be named just left here at 3:12, so we'd say you're safe to go now!

Accessories: Jason Preston's Dead Mouse Is Courtney Love's Fault
Marc Jacobs' former rentboy boyfriend reportedly told people who asked about the provenance of his dead mouse brooch that he couldn't take it off because it was "a gift from Courtney." We are trying this excuse the next chance we get.

Fashion Week: Spine Of The 'Times'
This photograph by Beatrice De Gea that ran with Cathy Horyn's review of the Oscar de la Renta show did not show up online for some reason, so we wanted to keep you informed. Hot for fall: Strapless silk crepe gowns with a drape back. On a skeleton. A Designer Gives Lessons on What's Sexy [NYT]

Britney Spears Is Self-aware: Entertainment Weekly listens to a few tracks ...
Entertainment Weekly listens to a few tracks from Britney Spears' forthcoming album. "'Piece of Me' kicks off with her standard breathy-sexy growl over a thumping hook: 'I'm Mrs. American dream/ Since I was 17.' Then things get darker: 'I'm Mrs. Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous/I'm Mrs. "Oh my God, that Britney's shameless"/ I'm Mrs. "Extra, extra, this just in" / I'm Mrs. "She's too fat, now she's too thin."'" The album also reportedly includes a "Jackson 5-style number" called "Stop, The Head You Shave May Be Your Own." [EW]

Classic Gawker Stalker: "Saw Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon at tonight's ...
"Saw Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon at tonight's performance of 'King Lear' at the Brooklyn Academy of Music. On the way out, overheard her complaining about why Tim hadn't spoken to an usher in advance so they could avoid having to exit with the crowd. She's really a woman of the people. Che would be proud. Ian McKellen was also there. But he was playing Lear."

Working On The Chain Gang: There is absolutely no blogging job anywhere ...
There is absolutely no blogging job anywhere in the world like the one PeopleJam is trying to convince someone to take. It begins: "Here's what a typical day might look like: 1. You wake up feeling totally jazzed and alive." [L.A. Observed]

Drug Dens: Gay Club Mr. Black Really Not A Coked-Up Drug Haven
In the Labor Day weekend raid on Mr. Black, the gay party spot at Broadway and Bleecker, "the NYPD collected 55 packages of cocaine, five vials of cocaine, and 16 Ecstasy pills that were either found on the floor or collected from patrons," according to Tricia Romano at the Voice. This prompted Luke Nero, the bar's cocktail waiter (who is nicknamed "The Ass" [NSFW!]) to claim that "They came to shut down a drug racket, but there wasn't any drug racket to shut down." Uh, really? 15 patrons and 17 employees were arrested all told, two of whom were drug dealers, and eleven more of whom were charged with misdemeanors, including an employee who had four bags of coke on him—in his own pants! Didn't Lindsay teach him anything? Related: Coke is apparently still back!

Announcements: Please Welcome Maggie Shnayerson
A new addition to the gang here will begin work on September 24th. Her name is Maggie Shnayerson, and she has been employed most recently as the PR chick at the Village Voice. (Her official title: publicity director.) Prior to that, she's reported for the Sun, freelanced here and did some stringing there, was an editorial intern at Time and was an editor at The Dartmouth. We were most impressed with Maggie when dealing with her on stories about the Voice: She was a complete hardass. Kind of a bitch, in fact! But a superfun bitch. This is a prime requirement for working here. I also liked that she has experience with how the business side of media things are run—and also a great ear for how PR spin is propagated. What else? She likes a stiff drink, which is key. Also she attended Brearley. Heh. We're so pleased to welcome her back to the other side.

Poseurs: Yoga Now Available With Extra Jesus
newVideoPlayer("Christoga_Christian_Yoga.flv", 475, 376);First there were innapropriate yoga guys. Then there was naked yoga. Now, for all you who find Jivamukti too heathen, there's Christoga, which is like yoga plus Jesus. Basically, she's just renamed every yoga pose with something from the Bible. Hey, somebody got their phlegm in my peanut butter!

So Why Aren't You Married Yet: Rosh Hashanah Is The Real World Equivalent Of JDate
Happy Rosh Hashanah, Jews! It's time to celebrate the new year, eat apples and honey, blow the shofar, and, if you're lucky, blow some cute single guy you hook up with in temple! Apparently, these holy days are the genesis of a two-week fuckfest amongst desperate single Jews who want to get their nagging mothers off their backs. For Jewish singles, the High Holidays bring high hopes, perhaps because they also bring together so many eligible prospects."I could see -- I don't want to call it 'stalking,' but flirting rituals going on," a rabbi who conducted High Holiday services in New York for 30 years, Larry Raphael, said. From his pulpit at Hebrew Union College's community services, he witnessed the first flowerings of about 10 marriages for which he was later asked to officiate. "It certainly made me pleased."Even Jews who rarely go to synagogue tend to show up on the High Holidays, the way Christians show up in church at Easter."It's like a reunion," the host of OnDating.tv,...

Long Island Is Hell On Earth: Lesbian and season two "Top Chef" contestant ...
Lesbian and season two "Top Chef" contestant Josie Smith-Malave and her sister and a pal had the holy hell beaten out of them on the north shore of Long Island during Labor Day weekend: "10 young people followed the women out and began screaming anti-gay epithets, spitting on them and then beating them." The bar is called Partners. [AP, NYDN]

Grounded: Money's so tight at Forbes that the publishing ...
Money's so tight at Forbes that the publishing company had to sell of its two corporate airplanes. That Bono runs a tight ship! If you're looking to pick up a Faberge egg on the cheap, you might want to keep your ear to the ground: We wouldn't be surprised if they offload a few from Steve Forbe's collection sometime soon. [NYP]

Katie Bar The Door: Katie Couric's trip to Iraq resulted in ...
Katie Couric's trip to Iraq resulted in a new record low in the ratings race for "CBS Evening News." Still, there's an upside: "If CBS' hiring of Katie Couric was all about damaging the NBC Today show (rather than boosting the CBS Evening News) it's working. Today 'has lost about 360,000 viewers' in the past year, including 12% of women aged 25-54." [Kausfiles]

By The Numbers: 'New York Times' August Numbers: TimesSelect So Not Worth It
The New York Times Company announced its August revenues today, and each of their divisions is trending pretty much as expected—though ad revenues for The New York Times Media Group were up very slightly over August last year, on the back of fashion, hotel and tech ads, as opposed to July, which was down nearly 3% over last year. But more of the same in general: internet ads up! New England ads down. About.com ads still up. Sort of related: stock in the toilet. Most interesting to us: In July, TimesSelect had 225,100 paying customers. As of August, it had 226,800. That is exciting growth of 1700 paying customers! That is somewhere between $7,076.25 and $13,515 dollars, depending on whether folks bought by the month or by the year, which is like half of Maureen Dowd's expense account this month.

Heard On The Street: So the big rumor going around today about ...
So the big rumor going around today about Rupert Murdoch's plans for the Wall Street Journal concerns a recent meeting with the paper's top brass, where Murdoch brought up the name of shiraz-swilling New York Post editor in chief Col Allan. Whether he was suggesting that Allan bring his particular blend of news judgment to the paper or merely using him as an example of proper practices (we're guessing the latter), it may be the best indication yet of the direction in which Murdoch plans to take the paper. Or maybe not, it's just a rumor! But try and tell us that you have a hard time actually believing it.

Feed Your Hate: Magnolia Bakery Takes The Upper West Side
Lazy uptown "Sex and the City" devotees will no longer have to pack little Charlotte and Gingerly into the double-wide stroller and head downtown for their Magnolia Bakery cupcakes, the aroma of which whisks them immediately back to what they believe were their carefree single days of the late 90s but were actually the most unhappy period of their lives—only they just can't remember, as the changing of diapers apparently obliterates all personal history and experience, leaving formerly interesting people as baby-serving shells of humanity. What were we talking about? Oh right: Cupcakes! 69th and Columbus, coming in a couple months![Exclusive: Magnolia Bakery Opening Upper West Side Outpost [Eater]

How's Your News: A World Without Journalists
Turns out that when readers can actually select news stories that they're interested in, their choices are somewhat different from what traditional media wants to feed them. A Project for Excellence in Journalism report reveals that what people Digg and Reddit never happens overseas.The biggest story for traditional news providers was a debate in Congress about reforms to immigration policies, accounting for 10 per cent of all news stories. It appeared just once as a top-10 story on Reddit, and not at all on Digg and Del.icio.us, the study found.... In addition, the analysis showed that coverage on the user-news sites focused more on domestic US events and less on news from abroad. Technology and science stories were the most common on the user sites. Does this mean that we're getting dumber or that the mainstream media is hopelessly out of touch with its audience? Or that the people who tend to frequent user-generated sites are more likely to be tech geeks than the average...

The Fall Season: Go See Some Gossip Girls
Note to set-crashers: "Gossip Girl," according to no parking signs, is shooting off Madison Square Park tomorrow, circa E. 25th Street or so, so you can go see the shallow for yourself. The T.V. show, which debuts next week and is about private school hissy fits between power-hungry bitches and date rapists and Upper East Side youngster alcohol consumption and a tawdry New York semi-blog, is getting a ton of advance, including in today's Times, even though it's on CW, one of those channels we don't really associate with a number. I've seen the pilot. It gives me that terrible trashy super-eww end times feeling. This means that it will be an incredible success.

Futile Gestures: New owner Rupert Murdoch will supposedly ...
New owner Rupert Murdoch will supposedly grace the newsroom of the Wall Street Journal with his presence today. When he arrives—in fact, we just heard that he's in the building now— he may be greeted by a bunch of big yellow signs with catchy slogans like "Give us a fair deal," and "Bancrofts' lawers: $30 million. Staff: Pay cut." That'll show him! If, you know, they don't get torn down first.

Great Radio: Everyone's favorite weeping Britney fan YouTube ...
Everyone's favorite weeping Britney fan YouTube guy is on the phone with Howard Stern right now. He's talking about why he doesn't like Perez Hilton—he and Perez are no longer speaking over Britney. He thinks Britney is "the best singer"—better even than Courtney Love. And: "Who can think of 9/11 at a time like this? Britney, she is a national treasure." Also he is discussing why he likes anal sex. Apparently he is a top, in the gay parlance. He says he'll be on CNN and The View today. Busy!

Panic: White Stripes Cancel Entire Tour Due To Meg White's Anxiety
From the AP: "'Meg White is suffering from acute anxiety and is unable to travel at this time,' the duo said Tuesday in a posting on their Web site. 'We hate to let people down and are very sorry.'" She really is the voice (drumming voice?) of our generation! She's too freaked out to get on a plane, just like us! Effexor, baby, Effexor!

Weather On The Ones: Hey, that crisp blue 9/11 weather came on ...
Hey, that crisp blue 9/11 weather came on 9/12 this year!

Gossip Roundup: Jessica Simpson Ruined Britney's Comeback Chances
LOL du jour: Britney's ratty VMA hair extensions were from Jessica Simpson and Ken Paves' product line. [TMZ]Tinsley Mortimer is so glad stressful, fast-paced summertime is over. " "I love fall in the city, it's my favorite time. I'm looking forward to not rushing out to the Hamptons every weekend and just relaxing." [NYO]The toughest club brawl ever involved Ashlee Simpson, Ashlee's dad Joe, and her BF, Fall Out Boy bassist Pete Wentz, seen here without guyliner for possibly the first time ever. [R&M]