Home / thesuperficial.com rss archive / August-31-2007


Cindy Crawford still alive, doing stuff
These are a couple days old but it's Cindy Crawford so, you know, who cares? She still looks amazing for a 41-year-old. I don't want to start any rumors, but I hear she drinks the blood of newborns to stay youthful. And did I just make that up? Maybe. The only thing we know for sure is that I'm still the reigning champion of the National Sexiest Person Alive Competition. See, because I'm so sexy.

Shiloh Jolie-Pitt looks like her mom
Angelina Jolie took her four children to a Children's Petting Zoo in Central Park yesterday, and Shiloh made a rare appearance. Although being the daughter of Angelina Jolie it's not really any surprise she has lips like that. What is surprising, though, is that I read somewhere she can store up to twenty acorns in those cheeks. That's fact-tastic!One more shot of Angelina with Shiloh after the jump.

Cameron Diaz turns 35
Cameron Diaz celebrated her 35th birthday yesterday on the set of her new movie What Happens in Vegas. Wait, shes 35? It kind of makes me wonder if all those young dudes shes been with are really dating her, or helping her cross the street. Im not saying Cameron Diaz is old, Im just saying shes not getting any younger. Or, lets be honest, more attractive. But, hey, at least shes finding work. Wait, whats that? Ashton Kutcher is in it? Jesus! Thats terrible! I mean, uh, Happy Birthday?Fun Fact: When not chewing food or speaking, Cameron Diaz's mouth is occasionally rented out to host large parties and weddings. Photos: Splash

Britney Spears' two new songs
Two new Britney Spears songs have popped up online and they're every bit as bad as you'd expect. According to The Sun, she opens her new song Cold As Fire with the lyrics:"I'm just the girl with the ability to drive a man crazy/ Make him come in my mouth/ Make him my new baby"Other sources are saying the lyrics are:"I'm just the girl with the ability to drive a man crazy/ Make him call me mama/ Make him my new baby"You can listen for yourself here, but either way it's bad. Like really really bad. Like so bad I thought it was a fake. I think they pulled some random people off the subway and made them backup singers. And Britney's next single Gimme More (listen here) opens with the lyrics:"It's Britney, bitch" Ooh, sassy. I don't know about you, but this Britney character sounds like she's got a lot of attitude. I bet she also smokes she's so cool.

Ashton Kutcher is a woman
Here is Ashton Kutcher wearing Capri pants and a shirt with a shiny hummingbird on it. Capri pants. Shiny hummingbird. All further evidence to support my theory that Ashton Kutcher lacks man parts. Im just waiting for the paparazzi shots of him buying tampons with Demi Moore. She of course doesnt need them. Why? I dont know, maybe because of a little thing called menopause! If you dont know what menopause is, just ask somebody old like Demi. Your grandmother, for example. Dont worry, eventually shell stop sobbing uncontrollably and explain it to you.Photo: Splash

Britney Spears former manager served
Larry Rudolph, the former manager of Britney Spears, was subpoenaed Thursday and must now testify in the custody battle between Britney and Kevin Federline. Larry had told Ryan Seacrest earlier this week that he was trying to avoid being served for fear of harming Britneys case. People reports: Rudolph was served about 30 minutes ago, said Erin Tietsort, the assistant manager at the Sunset Tan in West Los Angeles, on Thursday afternoon. He's employed here. He's part-owner. Tietsort described the process server as a 5'8" brunette in black slacks and a buttoned-up shirt. We asked her who she was but she just said she had a meeting with [Rudolph]. After he walked in he said, 'Can I help you?' and she just handed the papers and left. He had no idea. He then said [to himself], Oh, okay. Yeah. They've been looking for me. This is for Britney Spears-Kevin Federline. I was like, Really? And he just stared out the window. You could tell he wasn't too happy about it, said Tietsort. There...