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Britney Spears commits crimes
Britney Spears has been charged with two misdemeanors including a hit-and-run for the incident back in August when she pulled into a parking space and hit a car, and for driving without a valid license. If convicted on both charges, she faces up to a year in jail. City Attorney's spokesman says:"According to the DMV, Ms. Spears was never issued a California license ever."Sweet mother of Jebus, Britney Spears doesn't even have a driver's license? How is that even possible? I mean, I'm not surprised, but how did it take the authorities this long to figure it out? You'd think they would've cracked the case when she was caught driving with her son on her lap, or when she had her baby seat strapped in the wrong way, or basically every time she has ever been behind the wheel ever. I could blindfold a monkey, punch it in the head, and throw it in a car and it'd end up driving better than Britney Spears. Probably take better care of her children too.

Jessica Simpson is in shape
Jessica Simpson was spotted jogging around yesterday on the set of Major Movie Star. Not, like, for fun; she was filming a jogging scene. Though whatever she's doing it seems to be working. I hear they asked Britney Spears to jog around for her new music video but she just rolled around on her belly and asked for more pudding. Then she wheezed "That's a wrap, guys," and ordered a pizza. Photos: Splash

Brad Pitt loves being interviewed
Brad Pitt currently stars in The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. I guess theres no real need to see that movie after that title. Thank you for saving me $10 and two hours of my precious time, movie-title-making guy. While at the premiere, Brad seemed to be totally enthused to talk about the experience, according to the Daily Intelligencer: When a perky MTV producer threw him the standard softball, What did you learn from doing this movie? Pitt didn't swing for it. I didn't learn shit, really, he said. Absolutely riveting. Brad Pitt you have mastered the art of the interview. I look forward to your next film, when youll tell reporters that the experience taught you how to go f--- yourself. Dont ever stop evolving as a master conversationalist, sir. Youre so close to the zenith of human communication.NOTE: For the record, I hate MTV and wish Brad Pitt wouldve broke the producers face with his super-human abs. Did you ever see Fight Club? Brad could stop...

Kim Kardashian is the new Santa Claus
Kim Kardashian recently did a photo shoot for Playboy. Us Magazine has just learned that Kim will be the December cover girl and the photos contain more than rumored. Check out the details: A Playboy source tells Us that Kardashian's shoot reveals more than originally planned. Though her body is mostly draped in sheets and jewelry, the source says that Kardashian will show one boob, and her bare butt. Kardashian's 12-page pictorial will be one of the longest spreads Hef has done in a long time. Longest spread Hugh Hefner has done. Kim Kardashian has gigantic ass. Must resist obvious joke Temptation strong Iron will kicking in. And were good. No, seriously, this is the greatest Christmas present I could ever get. Next year world peace could break out and the following year I could win a million dollars, but Id just sit there, sipping my egg nog, saying Remember that Christmas I saw Kim Kardashians bare ass? That was the best Christmas ever. They should make a holiday special...

Britney Spears could go to jail, lose kids
Britney Spears has been ordered by a judge to take parenting classes and abstain from alcohol 12 hours before seeing her children. Being the genius that she is, Britneys been clubbing every night since the ruling. Star Magazine spoke with attorney John Schweitzer to get an outside opinion on Britneys situation. Heres what he had to say:On ignoring the judges ordersBy going out like this she is really running the risk of losing custody of her kids. The judge is now going to watch very move she makes. The judge gets the newspaper like everyone else and he will take something like this into consideration until his final ruling is made.On the legal consequences Britney could faceSome of the punishments could include holding her in contempt of court, which could result in a fine, imprisonment or both. Or, the judge gives more visitation rights to the other parent, in this case Kevin, or, he can take the children away if he feels Britney is not focusing on the best interest of the...